When should one go into couples therapy? 9 Signs that couples therapy may be wise

Many couples can benefit from couple therapy, but when in the relationship should one really consult a psychologist? In this blog post, we will go through nine signs that it may be time to go into couples therapy. 

Is it too early to go into couples therapy?

For many, the threshold is high to go in couples therapy, but it does not have to be. Most couples can benefit from couples therapy. It can be especially helpful to go into therapy together early, before the problems have time to develop. 

Many couples seek out a psychologist a little late, after the problematic patterns have had time to cement. Party therapy is not only a way to solve problems, it is also a way to prevent any challenges that may arise in the relationship. Couples therapy is not a magical solution, but helps to improve many relationships. Finding back to each other can have infinite value.

Maybe you have started looking for signs that the relationship is over, trying to find each other after a breakup or starting to wonder when you should separate. In all of these situations, it may be a good idea to seek out couple therapy and get professional help in the relationship. 

Also read: Couples Therapy - Repairing 

Below you will therefore find 9 signs that couples therapy can be useful for the relationship.

Quarrels repeat themselves

You constantly argue about the same things that are repeated over and over again without coming to a solution. For every quarrel, the distance between you feels greater. It can quickly become a quarrel that never completely stops, but rather only starts again where it last stopped. There may be things that annoy the other in the relationship, like getting late too late, or bigger and deeper problems. 

If the same conflicts constantly arise, it may be a sign that something is not as it should be in the relationship. It may be an underlying problem that does not come to the surface and poor communication in the relationship. According to Gottman Institute, discussions and quarrels that are constantly recurring can be a sign of differences in lifestyle and personality between you and your partner. Sometimes couples argue about less everyday life when in reality it comes from underlying conflict.  

In couples therapy, you can get professional help to find the underlying problem and resolve the conflict together so that you can avoid quarrels recurring without any solution. 

You can not reconcile after an argument

If you are unable to reconcile and become friends again after arguing, it can be helpful to go into couples therapy. It is perfectly normal to argue, but it is also important to put an argument behind you, although it is not always as easy to know how to reach an agreement or forgive after an argument. How communicating with each other during and after an argument can often be very important. A psychologist can help with this. 

Too intense quarrels

Every couple quarrels, it's perfectly normal, but some quarrels can be more detrimental to the relationship and there may be better and healthier ways to deal with disagreements in the relationship. Too intense quarrels can damage the relationship. It is almost impossible to avoid conflict in a relationship, but if poor communication, misunderstandings or disagreements end in major quarrels, it is a sign that there is something that should be addressed. 

There are several factors that contribute to influencing how we react to different situations, perhaps a pattern has formed in the relationship that leads to larger quarrels that build up to become more intense. Here, couple therapy can be helpful.

4. Lack of contact

The relationship seems mostly quiet and conflict-free, but in the quiet you still consider going due to lack of contact with partner. There can be various forms of contact, whether it is emotional contact and lack of love, or lack of intimate contact. 

You may feel that your partner is not taking your time and that you do not have the emotional contact you need. Maybe you have started to keep a longer distance from each other, both physically and emotionally. Lack of physical contact can also increase the emotional distance. If you do not hug, kiss or if the sex life stops, it can quickly become a habit that is difficult to change. Many couples may need to change this, here couples therapy can be useful to get help for this. 

5. Lack of feeling of love / lost the feeling of love  

There are several couples who feel a lack of love in the relationship. Maybe only one party, or both, feel that the feeling of love is gone. You may no longer have the same feelings as when you first fell in love. 

It is not so easy to know if the love is gone for good and there are many couples who stick together even if the feeling of love is gone, there are many different reasons for this. But for many, love is also felt as an essential part of the relationship. In any case, it is important to have good communication with your partner about your feelings and what you value in a relationship. Lack of a feeling of love can in several cases be a conflict that you can work on together in couples therapy. 

6. Lack of sex life

Lack of sex life can have a negative effect on the relationship. Of course, it is different from person to person and relationship to relationship what one feels is important in the relationship and many have a good and healthy relationship without sex, but for some couples it may be that you experience changes in or lack of sex life such as leads to stress and frustration. 

7. Changes in family life

Changes in family life can present challenges in the relationship. With changes, you have to adapt, but perhaps changes have made it difficult to be the team you used to be. Maybe it turns out that being a parent has been a bigger burden than any of you guessed. 

Research shows that having children changes the way couples communicate. It can be changes that really change everyday life and the dynamics of the relationship. In couples therapy you can find ways to work through this together. 

8. Conflict over life crisis and stress 

Larger strains and life crises trigger different emotional situations in us and we all have our ways of overcoming this, but when you as a couple face great strains and life crises, and have different ways of overcoming it, it can lead to conflict in the relationship . Maybe it creates disagreements or quarrels that challenge the relationship. Life crises can also cause one or both parties to begin to question the relationship. 

Although such situations can lead to challenges in the relationship, it does not have to be a big problem. With good communication and the right ways to handle things together, the relationship can recover well through these challenges. 

9. You're wondering how you can handle emotional baggage together

Each of us comes with something emotional, or emotional baggage that of course differs from person to person. We all have a past that has helped shape us and our emotions, as well as how we react to different situations.

 It can be challenging to deal with emotional baggage for each party in the relationship and it is not always as easy to know how to deal with the other person's emotional baggage. This can often lead to challenges and conflict in the relationship. 

How to go into couples therapy

Above we have gone over 9 signs that it may be wise to seek couple therapy. If you feel that one or more of these points describe your relationship, you may want to contact a psychologist who can help. 

Psychological work has one of the heaviest professional environments in the country within couples therapy. Here you can come to our office in central Oslo, or have therapy class online from anywhere in the country. You can book an appointment easily and quickly online. 

read more about couples therapy by clicking here and book an appointment.