Are you crying for no reason - for all or nothing? Roads to liberation

Do you cry for no reason, for all or nothing? Try two ways to liberation.

If you experience periods in your life where you easily shed tears, seemingly for no reason, then we can begin by stating that it is not accidental. Something has been triggered in you.

Sometimes it can be difficult to understand what it is and you think you are crying for no reason.

Either the tears come in time and out of time, and one does not understand the berry. Or that you are aware of the trigger, but that you do not fully understand the intensity and duration of the reaction.

It seems that the tears are excessive or out of place, for example in conflict situations or situations where you are a focal point.

The least helpful (and most common) thing you can do when you are crying “for no reason” is to judge your reactions rather than attempting to understand them.

In this blog post we will help you to stop with the former and start with the latter.

At Psykologvirke, we have many decades of accumulated experience from the therapy room. We have never experienced that there is not a good reason behind apparently irrational or exaggerated emotional reactions.

And no, you are not the exception that disproves the rule, even if your “inner critics” attempt to convince you otherwise.

If you overreact in the present, it is often because you underreacted in the past. Things accumulate and then it overflows. 

See our front page for more information for those of you who are considering going to psychologist in Oslo - or who want conversation therapy via a secure video solution. 

In some cases, it may be about factors such as fatigue, stress and lack of sleep. Some also experience increased "sipping" as a side effect of birth control pills. It may be important to clarify such factors. 

When, on the other hand, there is a persistent pattern, or comes in specific situations, it is most often about automated ways of dealing with different emotions.

In light of your specific learning history, the reactions make sense on a deeper level.

Often there are minor things you react to in the present, which whirl up old unprocessed feelings from the past. Often these are completely or partially unconscious.

Also read our article on why one feeling sad and bored all the time. 

1. Crying “for no reason"? Look into your history

The first thing you can do, therefore, to start when you cry a lot for no reason, is to look in the "archive".

What "unfinished business" from earlier in life can the situation I am in now have whirled up? What does this remind me of? From when can I recognize this specific body feeling? In what other relationships have I experienced something similar?

If you do not get anywhere on your own, it may be because the triggers, or the previous episodes, are displaced and go under your radar. Sometimes talking to friends and family who know you can help. Sometimes it can be easier to understand from the outside. We all have our blind spots.

If you are starting to see which past experiences are being reactivated, this presents a possibility to work through these feelings. Once they are processed they will no longer be reactivated to the same degree in the present.

If your dog dies you cry tears for that loss alone, not also old, unshed tears from when your grandparents passed that you repressed in order to be strong for your mother.

Also read our article about treatment of grief.

2. Find out which type of tears you are crying “for no reason”

When you experience crying a lot for no reason, these tears are rarely helpful. They are annoying and often give a feeling of vulnerability, confusion and frustration. You can often feel burdened.

In order to get to the bottom of what is driving your troubles it can be useful to understand a little bit about various types of crying.

In this context we can mention three main types: sad tears, anxious tears and defensive tears. 

Sad tears

The most common emotion we associate with crying is sadness. You have experienced a loss of some sort. Something is lost, something has passed. Sad crying is an organism’s method of dealing with the irreparable, the immutable.

Through the deep grief reactions, we take over and relate to the pain in a processing and integrating way.

In addition, these types of tears communicate a need for support and trigger an empathic response in others.

If, for example, you find yourself crying more than usual over a sad scene in a movie, it may be a sign that one has not fully related to the loss one has suffered, and that these reactions are expressed through the trigger in question. This often happens unconsciously.

Buddha said: Pain in life is inevitable but does not become outright suffering until you try to avoid it.

Sometimes you try not to deal with sad events because it hurts. Tears can press on, but mix with discomfort / anxiety to make room for grief and you end up in a more or less chronic condition, between two channels. Not really in grief, not really out of it.

This sort if avoidance of the inevitable pain of life can become a disorder. You get stuck and can't progress further. We work best with grief when we allow it complete access.

When the waves of sorrow can come and go the way the body wants, without you controlling them, this allows the body the best conditions under which to process grief - so you can understand the origin of your tears and stop going around and crying for “no reason”.

After such a cry, you will feel lighter, albeit a little "done" and tired - a bit like after a workout.

Also read our article about treatment of love grief.

In cases where grief is held back, the tears that come can be a mixture of sad, anxious and defensive tears. Such tears also do not necessarily trigger the same empathy and support in others, but rather help to create distance.

Anxious tears

Anxious tears often come when we experience internal pressures that we feel we have to repress within. These pressures can be a need, a hope or simply an emotional reaction to what is occurring.

Maybe you are frustrated with someone you love, and this frustration seems of threat to the bond you have with this person.

Often there can be an inner conflict between different emotions, both positive and negative, over another. Or is cross-pressure between different seemingly incompatible needs. Such internal conflict creates a state of tension, which can make you anxious.

Anxious tears often shoot up in your eyes very quickly. They are often accompanied by tension, or discomfort in the area of the abdomen, diaphragm, chest and neck. You can also feel an accompanying heat spreading upwards towards the chest / neck. Sometimes you can also get ear in your head.

Try to closely observe the physiological reactions that precipitate your tears. This can help you figure out if these are tears of anxiety and can, in itself, have a de-escalation effect.

If you experience that the tears press on only if you get the attention directed towards you, it is also a sign that the tears are an expression of anxiety. If the tears you cry "for no reason" seem to be anxious tears, it is important to work with what triggers the anxiety.

read more about treatment of anxiety here.

Defensive tears

Defensive tears are closely linked to anxious tears. If the tears persist, and there is no question of sad tears, one can say that they have become defensive. That is, they are there and stay there to keep something else away from consciousness. Like a kind of lid.

Also read about treatment of depression with our psychologists.

Let's say that someone accuses you of something. It feels unfair, you become irritated, and you want to express this. Which in turn makes you anxious and tense.

An internal tension then arises between forces that will express themselves and forces that hold back / close you. It is uncomfortable to stand in such a state of tension. A "solution" to this pressure can be to water out, or "extinguish" the irritation with tears.

Instead of having the potential of becoming stronger and clearer from the underlying anger, the tears come and pull you down into heavy thoughts and into a (perceived) inferior position in your relations with others.

You might become quiet and careful, perhaps despairing and helpless or maybe you begin to doubt yourself and become ashamed or guilty. guilty.

All of these are defensive maneuvers that prevent you from taking a strong position, when you are exposed to unreasonableness. All this happens automatically, often without you even noticing it.

Also read our article on treatment of conflict shyness.

Tears work in the opposite way of the mind. If the mind is the fire, the tears are the sprinkler system. If the mind wants you to lean back and forth, the tears push you down again. In an inferior, weaker position.

This dynamic is entirely possible to change. First try on your own through the understanding conveyed here. If the development stagnates, or you want to speed up the process, it will go into, for example, emotion-focused therapy, or ISTDP therapy could help.

The freer you let go of your primary emotions, the faster they pass, the better your body feels and the more you can use them as motivation, as a needle in the compass.

So you can move forward in the direction you need and want. You also will be more present and clearer in your interactions with others.

Avoid pondering - support yourself

In your attempts to understand rather than judge your reactions it is also important to allow yourself to take breaks from this work

Pull yourself out of it and focus on something else. Then return to an observant, constructive inner focus. What you do not relate to, you can not solve.  

Be careful of becoming trapped in continuous and repetitive brooding. If you aren't progressing, doing the same thing over and over again will not help. Change your strategy. Throw in something new.

Think about how you try to understand and solve challenges in other arenas, for example in a work context. Can you take an equally constructive stance in trying to solve your own difficulties? Why do you allow yourself to collapse faster when it comes to yourself?

Maintain a humane attitude towards yourself throughout the process you are undergoing. How would you help your child, a friend or another loved one through this? What would you say and how would you say it?

Gently correct yourself if you noticed that you are being stricter with yourself than you would with others.

We wish you the best with this important project.