Sculpture of two adults with problems in their relationship, where the inner children reach out towards each other inside the adult bodies that sit facing away from each other

How do problems arise in the relationship?

A relationship can be one of the most rewarding and fulfilling experiences in life, but your partner can also become part of the inventory and something you take for granted.

The relationship can also be a source of stress and conflict if you constantly end up in loops where you trigger each other. Or it can be a reminder of everything you miss in terms of closeness and intimacy.

Problems in a relationship can arise for a number of reasons, and they can be as different as the couples themselves. Here we will take a closer look at some of the most common causes of problems in the relationship, and what steps can be taken to begin the process of solving them.

Untreated wounds

During a long relationship, you go through many things together. Life is far from a bed of roses and certainly not for amateurs. Yet that is what we all are. We make mistakes and can end up failing both ourselves and our real ideals – and hurting our partner.

Sometimes this happens without you fully understanding it or having properly taken it in.

It is normal for hurtful events or episodes that you would rather not think about to occur. What is important is that you as a couple relate to what has happened, talk about it and give space to your own and the other's reactions to what has happened.

If there are too many unprocessed wounds in the relationship, what can be called trauma in the relationship, it can quickly lead to one or the other party closing down. It can happen almost imperceptibly for both parties.

Either way, there will be a seed for poor communication and trust.

Lack of communication

One of the most common causes of problems in a relationship is a lack of communication. There can also be many other reasons why communication between two people breaks down, such as time pressure, stress or a lack of interest or involvement in each other's lives.

It is not unusual for both parties to feel hurt and end up closing off the deepest love. An unwillingness towards the other person may develop. Perhaps you have felt ignored, rejected or misunderstood. To solve this problem, you need to focus on communicating more with your partner, listening to what they have to say, and showing them that you care about what's going on in their lives.

Lack of trust as a source of problems in the relationship

A lack of trust can also lead to problems in a relationship. This can be due to a number of factors, such as previous relationships, infidelity, or lack of communication. If you feel like you don't trust your partner, it can lead to suspicion, jealousy and discord. To solve this problem, it is important to work on your trust with your partner, open up about your concerns and be honest about what is bothering you.

Unrealistic expectations

Unrealistic expectations can also lead to problems in a relationship. Having unrealistic expectations of your partner can lead to frustration and dissatisfaction when those expectations are not met. It is important to remember that no person is perfect, and having realistic expectations of each other can help avoid unnecessary conflicts.

Lack of respect

Lack of respect for your partner can also lead to problems in the relationship. Disrespecting your partner can make them feel undervalued and overlooked. This can lead to a downward spiral of discontent and conflict. To solve this problem, it is important to show respect for your partner, listen to what they have to say, and give them time and space to express themselves.

Lack of intimacy

A lack of intimacy can also lead to problems in a relationship. If you and your partner don't share intimate moments, it can lead to emotional distance, dissatisfaction and frustration. It's important to remember that intimacy isn't just about sex, it can also be about sharing a common interest, having an in-depth conversation or just spending time together.

How to solve problems in the relationship?

Developing oneself and taking personal responsibility for one's own happiness and quality of life is an important factor in building and maintaining a healthy and successful relationship. When problems arise, it can be a tempting reaction to point the finger and place the blame on the other party.

It can feel easier to be the victim in the situation and give up control over your own life. Becoming blameworthy and blaming others for a lack of happiness in your own life is not a constructive or sustainable approach.

Personal responsibility in the relationship

To create a lasting and happy relationship, each partner must focus on developing themselves and taking responsibility for their actions and feelings.

This means being honest with yourself about your own mistakes and weaknesses, and working actively to improve yourself. It also means taking responsibility for your own feelings and not letting them dictate your behavior and reactions.

When each partner takes responsibility for themselves and their contribution to the relationship, they can work together to solve problems and challenges in a more constructive way.

Developing oneself and taking responsibility for one's own life naturally does not mean that one should ignore the other party or their feelings.

It is important to find the right balance between individuality and duality. The individuals and the couple. Connection and separation. You are two, but also one.

Two to tango?

While it may be true that both parties play a role in creating and solving problems in a relationship, there may also be cases where one party bears greater responsibility. If a person has a history of relational wounds or trauma, they may unconsciously act out old patterns and react in a way that is not appropriate in the relationship.

In such cases, it can be difficult for the other party to understand and handle these reactions.

But it is important to remember that it is the traumatized individual's responsibility to deal with their own feelings and trauma. Although it may be tempting for the most securely attached party to compensate for the other, this can lead to an imbalance in the relationship.

It can make it more difficult, if not impossible, to solve problems in a healthy way. Instead, the traumatized individual should take responsibility for their own feelings and work on dealing with their trauma in a healthy way.

From problem to growth

Although working with trauma and wounds from the past can be a challenging journey, it can also be an opportunity to grow and develop as a person. By taking personal responsibility and focusing on your own development instead of blaming the other or entering the victim role, you can work towards a healthier and more satisfying relationship.

Cohabitation therapy

It can be constructive to get the process on a good track by getting professional help from outside. We have perhaps the country's leading professional environment for couple therapy. We are also experts in dealing with ambivalence, situations where the couple is very doubtful about whether couples therapy is right for them.

Whether couples therapy with us is something for you is strictly speaking just one way of finding out. You will quickly find out if it is something for you.